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1. |
Help
02:31
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[Intro]
(Help) I need somebody
(Help) Not just anybody
(Help) You know I need someone
(Help!)
[Verse 1]
Wise men say
"Only fools rush in"
But I can't help
Falling in love with you
[Chorus]
Help me clean up YouTube
If you see a bad, bad comment, take a screencap of it
And send it my way, via Twitter or my Facebook fan page
Help me clean up YouTube
If you see a bad, bad comment, take a screencap of it
And send it my way, via Twitter or my Facebook fan page
[Post-Chorus]
Help me
Help me!
[Verse 2]
Shall I stay?
Would it be a sin
If I can't help
Falling in love with you?
[Chorus]
Help me clean up YouTube
If you see a bad, bad comment, take a screencap of it
And send it my way, via Twitter or my Facebook fan page
Help me clean up YouTube
If you see a bad, bad comment, take a screencap of it
And send it my way, via Twitter or my Facebook fan page
[Outro]
Ay, ayy
Help!
HELP!!!
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2. |
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[Verse 1]
Somebody's Heine
Is crowding my icebox
Somebody's cold one
Is giving me chills
Guess I'll just close my eyes
Oh, yeah
Alright
[Verse 2]
(Feels good) Flip on the telly
(Inside) Wrestle with Jimmy
Somethin' is bubblin'
Behind my back
The bottle is ready to blow
The bottle is ready to blow
[Chorus]
Say it ain't so
Your drug is a heartbreaker
Say it ain't so
My love is a life taker
[Verse 3]
Somebody's Heine
Is crowding my icebox
Somebody's cold one
Is giving me chills
Guess I'll just close my eyes
Oh, yeah
Alright
[Chorus]
Say it ain't so
Your drug is a heartbreaker
Say it ain't so
My love is a life taker
[Verse 2]
I can't confront you
I never could do
That which might hurt you
So try and be cool
When I say
"This way
Is a water slide away from me that takes you further every day"
So be cool
[Chorus]
Say it ain't so
Your drug is a heartbreaker
Say it ain't so
My love is a life taker
[Bridge]
Dear daddy, I write you
In spite of years of silence
You've cleaned up, found Jesus
Things are good, or so I hear
This bottle of Stephen's
Awakens ancient feelin's
Like father, stepfather
The son is drowning in the flood
Yeah, yeah-yeah, yeah-yeah
[Guitar Solo]
[Chorus]
Say it ain't so
Your drug is a heartbreaker
Say it ain't so
My love is a life taker
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3. |
Crazy Train to Moskau
04:30
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[Intro]
All aboard, hahahahahaha
All aboard, hahahahahaha
All aboard, hahahahahaha
All aboard, hahahahahaha
[Verse 1]
Crazy, but that's how it goes
Millions of people living as foes
Maybe it's not too late
To learn how to love and forget how to hate
[Pre-Chorus]
Mental wounds not healing, life's a bitter shame
Mental wounds still screaming, driving me insane
[Chorus]
I'm going off the rails on a crazy train
I'm going off the rails on a crazy train
I'm going off the rails on a crazy train
I'm going off the rails on a crazy train
(Let's go)
[Verse 2]
I've listened to preachers, I've listened to fools
I've watched all the dropouts, who make their own rules
One person conditioned to rule and control
The media sells it and you live the role
[Pre-Chorus]
Mental wounds not healing, life's a bitter shame
Mental wounds still screaming, driving me insane
[Chorus]
I'm going off the rails on a crazy train
I'm going off the rails on a crazy train
I'm going off the rails on a crazy train
I'm going off the rails on a crazy train
[Bridge]
I know that things are going wrong for me
You gotta listen to my words, yeah, yeah
[Instrumental Break]
[Pre-Chorus]
Mental wounds not healing, life's a bitter shame
Mental wounds still screaming, driving me insane
[Chorus]
I'm going off the rails on a crazy train
I'm going off the rails on a crazy train
I'm going off the rails on a crazy train
I'm going off the rails on a crazy train
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4. |
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[Verse 1]
Oh, well, imagine
As I'm pacing the pews in a church corridor
And I can't help but to hear
No, I can't help but to hear an exchanging of words
"What a beautiful wedding!
What a beautiful wedding!”, says a bridesmaid to a waiter
"And yes, but what a shame, what a shame
The poor groom's bride is a whore"
[Chorus]
I chimed in with a, "Haven't you people ever heard of
Closing the goddamn door?!"
No, it's much better to face these kinds of things
With a sense of poise and rationality
I chimed in, "Haven't you people ever heard of
Closing the goddamn door?!"
No, it's much better to face these kinds of things
With a sense of
[Verse 2]
Oh, well, in fact
Well, I'll look at it this way
I mean, technically our marriage is saved
Well, this calls for a toast, so pour the champagne
Oh! Well, in fact
Well, I'll look at it this way
I mean, technically our marriage is saved
Well, this calls for a toast, so pour the champagne
Pour the champagne
[Chorus]
I chimed in with a, "Haven't you people ever heard of
Closing the goddamn door?!"
No, it's much better to face these kinds of things
With a sense of poise and rationality
I chimed in, "Haven't you people ever heard of
Closing the goddamn door?!"
No, it's much better to face these kinds of things
With a sense of
[Outro]
Poise and rationality
Again
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5. |
Stairway to Your Man
01:34
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[Verse]
Same bed, but it feels just a little bit bigger now
Our song on the radio, but it don't sound the same
When our friends talk about you, all it does is just tear me down
'Cause my heart breaks a little when I hear your name
[Pre-Chorus]
It all just sounds like (Ooh, ooh)
Mm, too young, too dumb to realize
[Chorus]
That I should've bought you flowers
And held your hand
Shoulda gave you all my hours
When I had the chance
Take you to every party
'Cause all you wanted to do was dance
Now my baby's dancin'
But she's dancin' with another man
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6. |
Vietnam WAP
02:19
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[Intro]
So you're a killer
Sir, yes, sir!
Let me see your WAP face
Sir?
You've got a WAP face?
Aaaaaaaagh!
That's a WAP face, now let me see your WAP face!
Aaaaaaaagh!
Bullshit, you didn't convince me!
Let me see your real WAP face!
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagh!
[Verse 1]
Beat it up, catch a charge
Extra large and extra hard
Put this pussy right in your face
Swipe your nose like a credit card
Hop on top, I wanna ride
I do a kegel while it's inside
Spit in my mouth, look in my eyes
This pussy is wet, come take a dive
Tie me up like I'm surprised
Let's roleplay, I'll wear a disguise
I want you to park that big Mack truck right in this little garage
(Kachow!) Make it cream, make me scream
Out in public, make a scene
I don't cook, I don't clean
But let me tell you how I got this ring
[Chorus]
Now from the top, make it drop, that's some wet-ass pussy
Now get a bucket and a mop, that's some wet-ass pussy
I'm talkin' wap, wap, wap, that's some wet-ass pussy
Macaroni in a pot, that's some wet-ass pussy, huh
[Verse 2]
Gobble me, swallow me, drip down the side of me (Yeah)
Quick, jump out 'fore you let it get inside of me (Yeah)
I tell him where to put it, never tell him where I'm 'bout to be (Huh)
I'll run down on him 'fore I have a ----- runnin' me (Pow, pow, pow)
Talk your shit, bite your lip (Yeah)
Ask for a car while you ride that dick (While you ride that dick)
You really ain't never gotta fuck him for a thang (Yeah)
He already made his mind up 'fore he came (Ayy, ah)
[Instrumental Break]
[Verse 3]
Look, I need a hard hitter, need a deep stroker
Need a Henny drinker, need a weed smoker
Not a garter snake, I need a garter snake
With a hook in it, hope it lean over
He got some money, then that's where I'm headed
Pussy A1 just like his credit
He got a beard, well, I'm tryna wet it
I let him taste it, now he diabetic
I don't wanna spit, I wanna gulp
I wanna gag, I wanna choke
I want you to touch that lil' dangly thing that swing in the back of my throat
My head game is fire, punani Dasani
It's goin' in dry and it's comin' out soggy
I ride on that thing like the cops is behind me (Yeah, ah)
I spit on his mic and now he tryna sign me, woo
[Chorus]
Now get your boots and your coat for this wet-ass pussy (Ah, ah, ah)
He bought a phone just for pictures of this wet-ass pussy (Click, click, click)
Paid my tuition just to kiss me on this wet-ass pussy (Mwah, mwah, mwah)
Now make it rain if you wanna see some wet-ass pussy (Yeah, yeah)
[Outro]
You don't scare me
Work on it
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7. |
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[Intro]
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey
[Refrain]
Tricky, tricky, tr-r-r-r-ricky
I met this little girlie, her hair was kind of curly
Went to her house and bust her out, I had to leave real early
These girls are really sleazy, all they just say is, "Please me"
Or spend some time and rock a rhyme, I said, "It's not that easy"
[Verse 1: Layne Staley]
I'm the man in the box (He was big and strong, in his eyes, a flaming glow)
Buried in my pit (But to Moscow chicks, he was such a lovely dear)
Won't you come and save me?
Save me
[Chorus]
Feed my eyes (Ra-Ra-Rasputin)
Jesus Christ (Ra-Ra-Rasputin)
[Refrain]
In New York, the people talk and try to make us rhyme
They really hawk, but we just walk because we have no time
And in the city, it's a pity 'cause we just can't hide
Tinted windows don't mean nothin', they know who's inside
[Verse 2]
I'm the dog who gets beat (But the kazachok, he danced really wunderbar)
Shove my nose in spit (But he was real great when he had a girl to squeeze)
Won't you come and save me?
Save me
[Chorus]
Feed my eyes (Ra-Ra-Rasputin)
Jesus Christ (Ra-Ra-Rasputin)
[Bridge]
You know somethin', we ain't really never had no old money
We got a whole lotta new money though, hah
(If Young Metro don't trust you, I'm gon' shoot you)
Hey
[Verse 3]
Raindrop (Drip), drop-top (Drop-top)
Smokin' on cookie in the hotbox (Cookie)
Fuckin' on your bitch, she a thot, thot (Thot)
Cookin' up dope in the crockpot (Pot)
We came from nothin' to somethin' (Hey)
I don't trust nobody, grip the trigger (Nobody)
Call up the gang and they come and get ya (Gang)
Cry me a river, give you a tissue (Hey)
My bitch is bad and bougie (Bad)
Cookin' up dope with a Uzi (Blaow)
[Pre-Chorus]
My ------ is savage, ruthless (Savage)
We got 30s and hundred-rounds too (Grrah)
My bitch is bad and bougie (Bad)
Cookin' up dope with a Uzi (Dope)
My ------ is savage, ruthless (Hey)
We got 30s and hundred-rounds too (Glah)
[Chorus]
Feed my eyes (Ra-Ra-Rasputin)
Jesus Christ (Ra-Ra-Rasputin)
He who tries (Ra-Ra-Rasputin)
Oh, feed my eyes (Ra-Ra-Rasputin)
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8. |
stupid case
02:36
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[Verse 1]
Do you have the time
To listen to me whine
About nothing and everything all at once?
I am one of those
Melodramatic fools
Neurotic to the bone, no doubt about it
[Chorus]
Sometimes, I give myself the creeps
Sometimes, my mind plays tricks on me
It all keeps adding up
I think I'm cracking up
Am I just paranoid
Or am I just stoned?
[Verse 2]
And I went to a shrink
To analyze my dreams
She says it's lack of sex that's bringing me down
And I went to a whore
He said my life's a bore
So quit my whining 'cause it's bringing her down
[Chorus]
Sometimes, I give myself the creeps
Sometimes, my mind plays tricks on me
It all keeps adding up
I think I'm cracking up
Am I just paranoid?
Huh yeah, yeah
You think you're so fucking tough?
You're so fucking
[Chorus]
Stupid horse, I just fell out of the Porsche
Lost the money in my bank account, oh no
Stupid horse, I just fell out of the Porsche
Lost the money in my bank account, oh no
Stupid horse, I just fell out of the Porsche
Lost the money in my bank account, oh no
Stupid horse, I just fell out of the Porsche
[Outro]
Stupid horse, I just fell out of the Porsche
Stupid horse, I just fell out of the Porsche
Lost the money in my bank account
Lost the money in my bank account, oh no
Stupid horse, I just fell out of the Porsche
Lost the money in my bank account
Lost the money in my bank account
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9. |
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[Intro]
Ooh, wah, ah, ah, ah
Fears of an outbreak
One American dead from the coronavirus
Dozens at a nursing home in Washington state quarantined
[Verse 1]
On a dark desert highway
Cool wind in my hair
Warm smell of colitas
Rising up through the air
[Chorus]
That's me in the corner
That's me in the spotlight
Losin' my religion
Tryin' to keep up with you
And I don't know if I can do it
Oh no, I've said too much
[Post-Chorus]
The Department of Health has announced in the last half-hour that fourteen more people across Britain have died after testing positive for coronavirus
It brings the total number of deaths in the UK so far to thirty-five
Breaking news tonight!
The devastating toll of the coronavirus
Two thousand Americans killed in one day
More people have died now in the US than any other country
[Refrain]
Ooh, wah, ah, ah, ah
[Verse 2]
I hurt myself today
To see if I still feel
I focus on the pain
The only thing that's real
[Chorus]
That's me in the corner
That's me in the spotlight
Losin' my religion
Tryin' to keep up with you
And I don't know if I can do it
[Post-Chorus]
We don't need no education
We don't need no thought control
No dark sarcasm in the classroom
(La-la-la-la-la)
Teacher, leave them kids alone
(La-la-la-la-la)
All in all, you're just another brick in the wall
All in all, you're just another brick in the wall
[Guitar Solo]
[Spoken Outro]
Tonight, the United States has reached yet another devastating and unthinkable moment in a pandemic that continues to change our country and our way of life
As we come on the air tonight, more than two hundred thousand people in the US have now been killed by the virus
Two hundred thousand lives lost
Two hundred thousand stories left unfinished
But tonight, there's some breaking news that the crisis may once again be getting worse
One of the leading models used by The White House now projects that by the end of the year, the death toll nationwide will nearly double to three hundred and seventy-eight thousand
Tonight, confirmed cases in the US are also increasing, now growing at the fastest rate they have in 2 months
And the FDA is reportedly tightening its standards for approving a coronavirus vaccine
Deming hopes that there will be one widely available this year
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10. |
Sooth Hurts
03:04
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[Verse 1]
I just took a DNA test, turns out I'm 100% that bitch
Even when I'm crying crazy
Yeah, I got boy problems, that's the human in me
Bling bling, then I solve 'em, that's the goddess in me
You coulda had a bad bitch, non-committal
Help you with your career just a little
You're 'posed to hold me down, but you're holding me back
And that's the sound of me not calling you back
[Chorus]
Why men great 'til they gotta be great? ('Til they gotta be great)
Don't text me, tell it straight to my face (Tell it straight to my face)
Best friend sat me down in the salon chair (Down in the salon chair)
Shampoo press, get you out of my hair
Fresh photos with the bomb lighting (With the bomb lighting)
New man on the Minnesota Vikings (Minnesota Vikings)
Truth hurts, needed something more exciting (Yee)
Bom bom bi dom bi dum bum bay (Eh, yeah, yeah, yeah)
[Verse 2]
You tried to break my heart?
Oh, that breaks my heart
That you thought you ever had it
No, you ain't from the start
Hey, I'm glad you're back with your bitch
I mean, who would wanna hide this?
I will never, ever, ever, ever, ever be your side chick
I put the sing in single
Ain't worried 'bout a ring on my finger
So you can tell your friend, "Shoot your shot" when you see him
It's okay, he already in my DMs
[Chorus]
Why men great 'til they gotta be great? ('Til they gotta be great)
Don't text me, tell it straight to my face (Tell it straight to my face)
Best friend sat me down in the salon chair (Down in the salon chair)
Shampoo press, get you out of my hair
Fresh photos with the bomb lighting (With the bomb lighting)
New man on the Minnesota Vikings (Minnesota Vikings)
Truth hurts, needed something more exciting (Yee)
Bom bom bi dom bi dum bum bay (Eh, yeah, yeah, yeah)
[Outro]
I'ma hit you back in a minute (Yeah, yeah)
I don't play tag, bitch, I been it (One time)
We don't fuck with lies (Two times), we don't do goodbyes (Woo)
We just keep it pushing like ay-ay-ay
I'ma hit you back in a minute (Yeah, yeah)
I don't play tag, bitch, I been it (One time)
We don't fuck with lies (Two times), we don't do goodbyes (Woo)
We just keep it pushing like ay-ay-ay (Woo)
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11. |
Sicko SOAD
02:33
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[Intro]
Conversion, software version 7.0
The toxicity of our city, of our city
Disorder, disorder, disorder, disorder
Wake up (Wake up)
Grab a brush and put a little makeup
Hide your scars to fade away the shakeup
[Verse 1]
Why don't you ask the kids at Tiananmen Square?
Was fashion the reason why they were there?
They disguise it, hypnotize it
Television made you buy it
I'm just sitting in my car and waiting for my
[Verse 2]
She's scared that I will take her away from there
Dreams and her country left with no one there
Mesmerized the simple-minded
Propaganda leaves us blinded
I'm just sitting in my car and waiting for my girl
[Outro]
Girl
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12. |
Freeway to Bird
02:20
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[Verse]
There's a lady who's sure all that glitters is gold
And she's buying a stairway to Heaven
When she gets there she knows, if the stores are all closed
With a word she can get what she came for
Ooh, ooh, and she's buying a stairway to Heaven
There's a sign on the wall, but she wants to be sure
'Cause you know sometimes words have two meanings
And she's buying a stairway
And she's buying a stairway to Heaven
[Outro]
No Stairway!
Denied!
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13. |
Breakin' My Way Downtown
03:39
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[Verse 1]
It's just one of those days when you don't wanna wake up
Everything is fucked, everybody sucks
You don't really know why, but you wanna justify
Rippin' someone's head off
No human contact, and if you interact
Your life is on contract
Your best bet is to stay away, motherfucker!
It's just one of those days
[Chorus]
It's all about the he says/she says bullshit
I think you better quit lettin' shit slip
Or you'll be leavin' with a fat lip
It's all about the he says/she says bullshit
I think you better quit lettin' shit slip
Or you'll be leavin' with a fat lip
I think you better quit lettin' shit slip
Or you'll be leavin' with a fat lip
[Verse 2]
It's just one of those days, feelin' like a freight train
First one to complain leaves with a blood stain
Damn right, I'm a maniac, you better watch your back
'Cause I'm fuckin' up your program!
And if you're stuck up, you're just lucked up
Next in line to get fucked up
Your best bet is to stay away, motherfucker!
It's just one of those days
[Chorus]
It's all about the he says/she says bullshit
I think you better quit lettin' shit slip
Or you'll be leavin' with a fat lip
It's all about the he says/she says bullshit
I think you better quit lettin' shit slip
Or you'll be leavin' with a fat lip
I think you better quit lettin' shit slip
Or you'll be leavin' with a fat lip
[Bridge]
And if my day keeps goin' this way
I just might break your fuckin' face tonight!
Give me somethin' to break
Give me somethin' to break
I hope you know I pack a chainsaw (What?)
A chainsaw (What?)
A motherfuckin' chainsaw (What?)
So come and get it
[Scratching]
Right now I'm dangerous
[Chorus]
It's all about the he says/she says bullshit
I think you better quit lettin' shit slip
Or you'll be leavin' with a fat lip
It's all about the he says/she says bullshit
I think you better quit lettin' shit slip
Or you'll be leavin' with a fat lip
I think you better quit lettin' shit slip
Or you'll be leavin' with a fat lip
Let
Shit
Slip
[Outro]
I did it all for the nookie (Come on)
The nookie (Come on)
So you can take that cookie
And stick it up your (Yeah)
Stick it up your (Yeah)
Stick it up your (Yeah)
Stick it up your
I did it all for the nookie (Come on)
The nookie (Come on)
So you can take that cookie
And stick it up your
Stick it up your
Stick it up your
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14. |
Rock
02:41
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[Intro]
If ya smell Rock
[Verse 1]
I'm through with standing in line to clubs I'll never get in
It's like the bottom of the ninth and I'm never gonna win
This life hasn't turned out quite the way I want it to be
I want a brand new house on an episode of Cribs
And a bathroom I can play baseball in
And a king size tub big enough for ten plus me
[Pre-Chorus]
Yo! I'm runnin' through these hoes like Drano
I got that devilish flow, rock and roll, no halo
We party rock!, yeah, that's the crew that I'm reppin'
On the rise to the top, no Led in our Zeppelin (Hey!)
[Chorus]
Livin' like a rockstar, smash out on a cop car
Sweeter than a Pop-Tart, you know you are not hard
I done made the hot chart, 'member I used to trap hard
Livin' like a rockstar, I'm livin' like a rockstar
[Post-Chorus]
Laa, la-la-la-la-laa (Livin' like a rockstar)
La-la-la-la-laa
La-la-la-la-laa
[Verse 2]
You show us everything you've got
You keep on dancin', and the room gets hot
You drive us wild, we'll drive you crazy
You say you wanna go for a spin
The party's just begun, we'll let you in
You drive us wild, we'll drive you crazy
[Pre-Chorus]
You keep on shoutin', you keep on shoutin'
You
Shoutin'
In ten minutes I'll be late for the door
I like that old time rock and roll
[Chorus]
Still like that old time rock and roll
That kind of music just soothes the soul
I reminisce about the days of old
With that old time rock and roll
Hey!
[Post-Chorus]
Laa, la-la-la-la-laa (With that old time rock and roll)
La-la-la-la-laa (With that old time rock and roll)
La-la-la-la-laa
[Outro]
I wanna rock! (Rock!)
I wanna rock! (Rock!)
I want to rock (Rock!)
I wanna rock! (Rock!)
Rock!
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15. |
The End
03:25
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[Intro]
Love you, love you
Love you, love you
[Verse 1]
And now, the end is near
And so I face the final curtain
My friend, I'll say it clear
I'll state my case, of which I'm certain
It starts with
One thing, I don't know why
It doesn't even matter how hard you try
Keep that in mind, I designed this rhyme
To explain in due time, all I know
Time is a valuable thing
Watch it fly by as the pendulum swings
Watch it count down to the end of the day
The clock ticks life away, it's so unreal
[Chorus]
Here comes the rain again
Falling from the stars
Drenched in my pain again
Becoming who we are
It's the end of the world as we know it
It's the end of the world as we know it
It's the end of the world as we know it
And I feel fine
[Verse 2]
I can't remember anything
Can't tell if this is true or a dream
Darkness, imprisoning me
All that I see, absolute horror
I cannot live, I cannot die
Trapped in myself, body my holding cell
[Guitar Solo]
[Chorus]
Wake me up
Grab a brush and put a little makeup
Hide your scars to fade away the shakeup
Why'd you leave the keys upon the table?
Wake me up when September ends
Wake me up when September ends
[Outro]
And in the end
The love you take
Is equal to the love you make
Aah
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Speakeasy - Live 2016
by John Robins
Robins decided to release the recording of his 2016 comedy tour during the Covid-19 shutdown at the behest of fans.
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Taylor Ham, Egg, And Cheese
by Chris Gethard
Comedian Chris Gethard’s hilarious new surprise album is devoted to the great state of New Jersey, and the great state of New Jersey alone.
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